Well kids, it's a new day here at Sandwich Cinema, as last night my love of sandwiches was truly put to the test. A horrible, vaguely berry-flavored test. My friend Jessica came over and we quoted our way through one of John Hughes' greatest triumphs of the mid 80s. Then, about mid-way through, we paused to join Ally Sheedy in indulging in one of the worst offenses to happen to stuff smashed between bread.
That's right -- we watched The Breakfast Club and ate the infamous white bread, butter, Pixy Stix, and Cap'n Crunch sandwich. But before we get into what made this sandwich truly horrific, we have a LOT to say about the movie itself.
- This is one of those movies that used to run on TBS/TNT constantly. Because of that, both Jessica and I have seen this movie probably a hundred times, but only from the middle to the end. Neither one of us could think of the last time we saw this movie from the beginning, nor how the movie even starts.
- The overarching theme of this movie is that Paul Gleason's character is hands down the worst school principal of all time. Trying to insight students to violence, cursing at students, throwing around homophobic epithets - this guy is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, he super sucks at his job considering he sits adjacent to the library and somehow manages to not hear talking, yelling, fighting, loud music, or smell cigarettes and marijuana.
- Jessica "You know, I don't think that I really identify with any of these characters personally, but I do feel like I'm probably now dating the 30-year-old version of The Brain."
- All of the looks, hairstyles, and fashions that are present in this movie would be 100% acceptable today.
- Jessica astutely noted that Molly Ringwald starts making flirty eyes at Judd Nelson IMMEDIATELY. Like, his first snarky remark and BOOM -- she's in full-blown love! It doesn't take long for Emilio Estevez to follow suit and start looking too long at Ally Sheedy after weird, inappropriate comments.
- FUN FACT: In the John Hughes universe, this movie and Ferris Bueller's Day Off seem to take place in the same town / at the same high school. The name of the high school in this movie is Shermer High School, which is also the name of the high school in Ferris Bueller. However, the movies were shot at two different high schools, neither of which is actually called Shermer High School.
- How MESSED UP is it that after everyone has this emotionally gut-wrenching share fest about their home lives, external pressures, and friendship, EVERYBODY goes and hooks up except for Brian, who has to DO THE HOMEWORK HIMSELF!
- Jessica: "WHY IS THIS MOVIE CALLED THE BREAKFAST CLUB! Why the breakfast club! They have lunch!? Why not The Lunch Club!? The word "breakfast" is literally not mentioned until the last sentence of the movie!"
- Finally, as much as I love the movie, Pitch Perfect has COMPLETELY hijacked this movie. Seriously. Try watching it without thinking about Anna Kendrick.
Despite the ridiculousness that permeates this movie, I love it and honestly think that I could watch it every day. The sandwich we ate with this movie? NEVER. AGAIN. As most people in this world probably know, when the gang in the movie breaks for lunch, their stereotypical lunches help all of us in the audience get a glimpse into their personalities and home lives. For our little "Basket Case," Ally Sheedy, this involves pulling a slice of olive loaf off some buttered white bread, replacing it with Pixy Sticks, Cap'n Crunch, smashing it together, and eating the whole thing.
So that's what we did, minus the olive loaf. We took some fluffy white bread, buttered it, and poured some Pixy Stix on it. THIS IS WHERE WE WENT WRONG. HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG.
If you watch the movie carefully, it appears that Ally Sheedy rips open two Pixy Stix, pours one on each slice of bread, and then proceeds with the rest of the sandwich. So that's what we did. And then we learned that Pixy Stix have VERY STRONG FLAVORS. Like, the whole sandwich became this tidal wave of artificial grape / blue / orange flavor. It was HORRIBLE.
So, we think we took a wrong turn. Look at this insane, artificial coloring. Looking at the sandwich in the movie, alternately, there is no horrifying purple or blue color on her sandwich -- it's just white, leading us to believe that she did not, in fact, use Pixy Stix, but rather, plain, unflavored sugar.
Also, you know how much the roof of your mouth hurts after eating Cap'n Crunch? Well, that's basically what the cereal does to the bread of this sandwich. Rips it right up, making it impossible to hold it together and eat. But eat them we did. Every fake fruit flavored, nauseating bite.
Jessica found some pretty incredible beer at Specs impressively called "Death to Cereal" that helped cut through the garbage sandwich we chose to ingest. But I cannot express enough how much I wouldn't recommend this sandwich. Or at least, if you insist on it, just pour regular sugar on the sandwich and not a flavored Pixy Stick. It's just.....the worst.